Men and Toilets

Why is it Men can not pee in the toilet? I have never met a man who could hit the hole yet, The only hole they seem to be able to hit is the vagina, Plus most men would never think of cleaning up the mess they make they leave it for someone else to clean, YUK!!!!!!!
I think Men should be made to go to the bathroom outside seeing they oviously can't respect a toilet!!!!
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November 12 2005
cold, cold , cold here in maine I am not use to it, time for the shoulders to start hunching, I hate that in the spring I open up like a flower, in the winter my shoulders hunch and I feel like a flower closing!
Love working at the norlands, love living here on this old farm it brings out all my creativity.
Miss terribly my friend Linda who died almost a year ago,
such a gaping hole where here love once was!
going to start on making art for christmas not sure what I want to do yet, good old inertia still working to set e back, must light a fire under my Muse I guess.

Musing

wow, it has been a long time since I have written, I feel the need to create a place where I can really say what I think and feel and have lived and no one will know it that I know, so I can be free in my expressions of my soul.
I find that it is hard to say what you really feel when you know someone might read it , I keep journals and have for 10 years but those journals will go to my children when I die so I still have to be measured in what I say for there sake.
I am so happy with my move, I moved to a old farm on 60 acres and I love it here, it is just what I wanted, I am not happy with my husband we have been married 15 years and in all that time I have not been happy with him, we are not suited for each other, but being the soft touch I am I just can't bring myself to divorce him, I am not terribly unhappy as he is not bad to me , it is more like we are just roomates.
He is 13 years older than me and my only chance for happiness will be if I out live him, I know that sounds awful and I wish him no ill will but it is how I feel.
There are many issues in my life I need to resolve before they really create problems for me, so I am hoping this year will be a year of clearing my life of problematic issues.

Musing

I have not written in this in a long time, I have since got a job I love in a living History center as a interupter, it is so fun.
I have also gotten into altered art which is so creative an allows for so much self expression.
Still missing my friend who died in Dec. a lot.

Waiting for Spring,

Yesterday felt like Spring and my body responded with a joy I have not felt since my friend died, glad I could still feel that Joy, I love spring my favorite season, rebrth, I have decided to plant a tree for my friend in the spring to remember her by and honor her she loved trees.
My mediatating words this year are , rejuvenate, folow-through and Hope!
Trying to make use of evry minute I have, good use happy use!

end of day

This is it for me for today I was up as usual at 2 A.m. I love early morning, but that makes for early bedtimes, But soon it will be spring here and I will go back tomore normal sleeping pattern, as I like to ride Bike at night after work so I have to stay up later.
I had a ok day today, not as depressed over my friend, I was productive all day and followed through on things I didn't want to do, so I give myself a B for todays progress back into the land of the living.
I make so many errors while writng this , but I am not going to fix them, I don't want to interupt my thought flow, I can't type worht beans and that doesn't help, but though I am well read and well spoken I always hated grammer in school, have always just wanted to use my own Puncuation and now a days can't spell woth shit, even though I won spelling bee's I don't know why my spelling has gone down hill so bably as I read all the time and also write a lot, letters and a hard journal, oh well who cares, I don't at this point in my life all I care about is waking up another day!
Goodnight little Blog!

Death Watch

Ever since My friend died six weeks ago suddenly, I feel like I am on a death watch, I just have the feeling if she could dy so suddenly who is next, I hate that feeling, I want to feel as a child feels free from the burden of thoughts of gloom and doom, I watch my 2 year old grandchild and she is so happy witht he little things and is care free, except for where her next bottle is coming from, I find myself wishing I could drwon my thoughts and fears in a bottle also, but I don't drink or even like to drink, so that is out, guess I have to face my pain, I just hate it though and I wish people would stop saying inane things like she is in a better place, If one more person says that to me I swear I will slap them, sshe would want to be here not in a better place, I find that to be no comfort at all, thanks for those of you who have written me, I just don't know how to reply to you yet, this is all knew to me.

another day

Well, another cold morning, can't wai for spring, I always feel so closed up when it is cpld, my body even feels closed.
I read a interesting story in New yorker last night about a man who gave away Millions of his fortune and then gave away his kidney and wanted to give away more body parts, course he couldn't but he wanted to.
I had just beeen thinking before I read that story that I have a socialist mentality, I have never thought that some people should own six houses when the rest of us do not even own anything, why do you need six houses anyways?????
I have always admired Tolstoy and others like him, even christ preached a socialist message, if I was rich I would never keep it I would give to others and not just charities, I would give to people I kknow to make there life better.
on another subject, I keep forgetting for a moment my friend has died and want to call her, I guess that is common when you lose someone suddenly.
I never thought that she wuld be gone for a good many years never mind gone from me in such a short time I had just given her her Birthday present and had her christmas gifts wrapped, her birthday was Dec. 6th and she died Dec. 13th.

autonamy

I Like the idea of writing when I am unknown it frees me from all my inhibitions, I think this will help.
Glad I started this, I hope eventually I find my voice and can ad something interesting to read about.

Where do I go from Here

All my life I did not feel like, I belonged in this world, , This world feels foriegn to me and the people who inhibit it , like strangers to me sometimes, My feelings never seem to match up to others, like how ever since I was young, I have always been for the underdog, no matter how bad the crime, I always feel somehow bad for the criminal, not that I think what they do is right, of course I don't but, I just feel bad for them that they did something bad and will now have to be punished for it, I know this is not acceptanle but it is how I feel, my phychitrist once told me if someone tried to kill you, you would ask for a paper and pen to write a sucide note so he wouldn't have to go to Jail.
I wonder at the reason behind my thinking often. I have never felt predjudice that I know of at least, I am far from perfect though and have many mistakes in my life, nothing serious though, and i am not a person who even thinks I am perfect, I just which I knew why I have so much empathy.
I recently lost my best friend to a sudden death and with out her here in the world, I feel lost and that is why I started to write this Blog, she was my sounding board, now I am left with no one I can talk with and just refelect over ideas.
I don't want this to be ordered I just want to randomly express my feelings on things from current issues to my personal struggles.