Yesterday felt like Spring and my body responded with a joy I have not felt since my friend died, glad I could still feel that Joy, I love spring my favorite season, rebrth, I have decided to plant a tree for my friend in the spring to remember her by and honor her she loved trees.
My mediatating words this year are , rejuvenate, folow-through and Hope!
Trying to make use of evry minute I have, good use happy use!
Thursday, February 03, 2005
Tuesday, February 01, 2005
end of day
This is it for me for today I was up as usual at 2 A.m. I love early morning, but that makes for early bedtimes, But soon it will be spring here and I will go back tomore normal sleeping pattern, as I like to ride Bike at night after work so I have to stay up later.
I had a ok day today, not as depressed over my friend, I was productive all day and followed through on things I didn't want to do, so I give myself a B for todays progress back into the land of the living.
I make so many errors while writng this , but I am not going to fix them, I don't want to interupt my thought flow, I can't type worht beans and that doesn't help, but though I am well read and well spoken I always hated grammer in school, have always just wanted to use my own Puncuation and now a days can't spell woth shit, even though I won spelling bee's I don't know why my spelling has gone down hill so bably as I read all the time and also write a lot, letters and a hard journal, oh well who cares, I don't at this point in my life all I care about is waking up another day!
Goodnight little Blog!
I had a ok day today, not as depressed over my friend, I was productive all day and followed through on things I didn't want to do, so I give myself a B for todays progress back into the land of the living.
I make so many errors while writng this , but I am not going to fix them, I don't want to interupt my thought flow, I can't type worht beans and that doesn't help, but though I am well read and well spoken I always hated grammer in school, have always just wanted to use my own Puncuation and now a days can't spell woth shit, even though I won spelling bee's I don't know why my spelling has gone down hill so bably as I read all the time and also write a lot, letters and a hard journal, oh well who cares, I don't at this point in my life all I care about is waking up another day!
Goodnight little Blog!
Death Watch
Ever since My friend died six weeks ago suddenly, I feel like I am on a death watch, I just have the feeling if she could dy so suddenly who is next, I hate that feeling, I want to feel as a child feels free from the burden of thoughts of gloom and doom, I watch my 2 year old grandchild and she is so happy witht he little things and is care free, except for where her next bottle is coming from, I find myself wishing I could drwon my thoughts and fears in a bottle also, but I don't drink or even like to drink, so that is out, guess I have to face my pain, I just hate it though and I wish people would stop saying inane things like she is in a better place, If one more person says that to me I swear I will slap them, sshe would want to be here not in a better place, I find that to be no comfort at all, thanks for those of you who have written me, I just don't know how to reply to you yet, this is all knew to me.
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